The Recession of the Middle Aged
In love and approaching middle age, I have found the following in the US:
As one becomes older, we begin to become more comfortable with ourselves. This creates a discriminating nature, as we are less needful to go outside our comfort zone. Conversely, this self-acceptance doubles for a more monistic existence; a decreased need to another to complete one’s self. This independence, however, doubles as a wall that impedes the desire to reach out to the other.
Secondly, we are all radically different people. The celebration of difference and negotiation of terms is essential to any relationship. The complication that occurs as we increasingly differentiate our personalities with experience is that we become increasingly different. And, with the increased discrimination that comes from self-acceptance, our relationships increasingly become about negotiation, and to some extent compromise.
These two effects, taken in tandem, complicate the bonding of relationships in the middle years, and make what is already a hard process, more difficult.
A friend asked me whether is was still worth reaching out - and I said absolutely. Because if we don’t, one is destined to solitude, and this is not human nature.
